“Ask your uncle…”
“Ask your teacher…”
“Ask your pastor…”
Are these as familiar to you as they are to me? In my culture, there is an almost constant call to refer to someone in authority. And while there is very real merit there, the encouragement to listen to one’s own desires, needs, and wants is sometimes sadly lacking. For myself, I never heard the words, “It all depends on what you want. Let’s talk about it, and maybe ask some others for help. Then you can make an informed decision, and the one that’s right for you.”
This could just be a cultural norm. But whatever the intention, I have noticed, both in my practice, and in myself, a reverberating reverse effect. If we hear this often enough (“get so-in-so’s advice, input, or feedback”), we tend to hold ourselves back. An inner critic emerges, second-guessing our every desire or instinct. It’s not a lack of confidence—it’s being overly, if unconsciously, attuned to the confidence (or lack thereof) others have or had in us. In seeking the approval of outside authority figures, we self-edit, self-correct, and find ourselves immobilized until we get that stamp of approval.
How can we become accustomed to the stranger’s voice inside of us—the one calling for a new and different way of perceiving and living our lives, without outside approval? What steps do we need to take to start trusting ourselves?
How do we get our approval?
I help people find answers to these challenging questions, even as I seek my own answers. And trust me, there are no easy answers to these issues…but I will join you on your journey as you seek your answers.
Connect with me for an appointment.
Pro-tip: Asking for advice and wanting approval aren’t always bad things! But context matters. An IT person is going to know more about solving your internet connectivity issues than anyone else. Try matching up the right people with the right issues/areas in your life, to target their voices where you need them.
