During a few therapy sessions this week, a common theme emerged: low self-esteem. It’s not an uncommon topic among my clients, but along with it, I happened to notice something else; a reluctance to acknowledge or claim what was rightfully his/hers.
Which brought to mind the image of a child, clutching a favorite toy, twisting it away from others, trying to hide it, refusing to share.
Whatever happened to “mine!”? And that other phrase used by children, “I can do it myself!”
It’s almost like what was once developmentally appropriate has sadly fallen into the category of “dysfunctional.”
I admit there is a very fine line between assertiveness and selfishness…but now, the concept of “mine” seems more like an embarrassing admission to greed rather than stated self-truth and self-awareness. It’s often accompanied by an apologetic smile.
Is this something we are taught? Does this leave us constantly comparing ourselves with others who share and never like to take credit for themselves—and we’re always coming up short? Do we really believe that just because it’s “ours,” and we can “do it ourselves,” that we’re less than others? Are we really passing out selflessness medals in our minds, only to lose in our own made up contest?
How do we take back what’s ours? How do we assert ourselves?
I can help you build up the confidence you need to take back what’s yours. I can teach you what compassionate assertiveness looks like. I can show you how to care for yourself, the way you need.
Connect with me for an appointment.
Pro-tip: selfishness isn’t always the bad guy. Learning to own your needs and wants is a vital life skill that we all need to learn and regularly practice. Start with being honest with yourself about your needs, wants, and desires. Write them down if you have to. It’s a small stepping stone from there to being honest with others about them.
