During my school days, I was quite involved in athletics. Among the events I participated in was the 4×100 relay race (I was also a spectator of this sport). There were specific rules: the baton had to be changed from one runner to the other within a certain zone. If you didn’t pass the baton to the next runner in that zone, the chances of being disqualified were very great. Receiving and handing off were equally important. Needless to say, the pressure could often feel like too much. That pressure, that “too much” feeling, is also what a lot of people report when thinking about legacies.
For me, legacy is about taking the baton from the previous runner (generation, family) and independence is how I have run and continue to run my own leg of the race. What comes to my mind when thinking about the legacy of my birth country; the legacy of the country to which I now belong; and my family legacy. With the anticipation and celebration of the U.S.’s Independence Day ahead on the calendar, I found myself asking, Can we achieve a balance between independence and legacy?
Some of us are extremely proud of the legacies behind us, and with good reason. I hear a lot of amazing and inspiring stories about service to country going back generations in one family, or about family businesses that do the same. There are also those who feel shame about their legacies–they might have been raised by racist or bigoted parents, and don’t hold to those beliefs and values themselves. For some, it’s not an issue of shame at all; they simply feel that they don’t want to live up to the legacy behind them; that their individuality/interests are taking them in a different direction, to start their own legacies, such as starting their own business instead of taking over the family one, or going for a college education instead of entering the family vocation.
No matter where you fall in this varied spectrum, striking that balance between legacy and independence can be quite the challenge. The mistakes of the past, individually or through legacy and passed down to us, are what inform our future. But we must all forge our own paths, even if we end up making the same mistakes. Ultimately, we must all listen to ourselves to decide what direction we’ll go in, no matter the consequences. We can’t live our lives for other people. Whether you realize that you want to continue the family legacy, start one of your own, find a way to do both, or neither, is completely up to you. The external pressures to uphold a legacy can be intense, but if you feel you’re unable to, or uninterested in, upholding one, be honest about that feeling/desire right away.
I will join you on your journey, wherever it may lead. Contact me to set up an appointment.
Pro-tip: Disappointing others is hard, but disappointing yourself can lead to dissatisfaction, depression/anxiety, and lost time. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Speak up!
